She said yesterday that seroquel was the the first tablet she would have wanted me to be on, but I had some really nasty side effects on it 18 months ago and she, nor I am willing to risk it again... It's hard finding alternative medication as I've had side effects on so many, am really senesitive which is part of why I've been med free for nearly a year. I thought I was coping. I thought I'd beaten it but I haven't... It's beaten me. Again

Hospital not an option at the moment... Psych hasn't suggested it... It scares me so much too to be honest as I've never been that bad before. I live with my husband who is being amazing but it's just so hard. I was in a pretty stable place about 5 months ago so was discharged from seeing my CPN. They're going to put more support for me in place but it's not going to happen until next week and I don't know how to manage in the mean time. I haven't even got the prescription for meds yet.

I just feel so overwhelmed. I don't understand it. This is worse than any depression or mania I've ever experienced :-(