--Journal mode on--

Also, I went ahead with the therapy appointment yesterday. It was just the second part of my... I forgot what they called it, but the session where they take down all your info.

Part 3 is on Monday, but after that, I won't be able to see a doctor or the therapist they'll permanently assign me for another month.

That means I have to look forward to a whole month of being a mess, with no help. I don't know what I'm going to do.

I've been able to talk to the therapist about this situation a bit - although he may or may not end up being the one I end up with - and he told me not to keep trying to contact my ex-friend, and seemed confused and irritated that I'm this upset over someone I don't know IRL.

I tried to tell him, almost desperately, that I don't know why, and I know it shouldn't be affecting me this badly, but it is.

He says that it's because I just can't relinquish my need to control situations, which is what got me into this mess in the first place. (i.e.: continuing to talk to ex-friend after he told me to leave him alone.)

That's true, but... I told him those are BD symptoms, and he didn't answer. Maybe he's right, though, and it's not an excuse.

--Journal mode off--

Strangely enough, despite feeling the way I did yesterday, I woke up with the overwhelming urge to try talking to him again. (I guess the mood swings like that will go on for a while.) I didn't, though. Every time that happens, I usually just post here instead.