Thank you for replying, and I can assure you this thread is open to you and your problem too! I'm sorry you're going through it too, and it seems like your struggle has progressed more than mine has, and mine's just getting started...

As for starting over, I'm not all too sure how it would work. It might even be a little silly, if I'm being honest. My theory is this: Pretend like it's the first time you're with your partner (in your case, your husband). Look at them, and see them as a whole new person. Be shy about holding hands, be embarrassed by those "first" little kisses. Take it slow, over the next several weeks, slowly work your way up through the tiers of sexual activity (i.e., 1 being hugging and hand-holding, 2 being cheek-kisses and forehead kisses, 3 being light pecks, 4 being your "first kiss", etc), without letting each other go "all the way" for first few times, making that "first time" all the more special and connecting. Sort of like you're testing the waters when you were younger and just starting to be sexually active.

This whole theory requires being in a certain kind of mindset, basically similar to role-playing in the bedroom, but on a deeper, psychological and emotional level. I feel like, in order for anything to work out between my partner and I (sexually, that is), we have to be totally and irrevocably comfortable with one another, especially in being confident to tell them "That's enough, now" without being afraid of their reaction, especially when one or the other's anxiety starts to spike, or the mood just completely dies.

Without my partner being able to pick up on the tiniest, most subtle changes in my behavior and demeanor, there's no way for me to confidently tell him I'm having an anxiety or PTSD attack, because I'm terrified he won't care and will do what he wants to "finish up" regardless of my emotional or mental well-being.