Quote:
Originally Posted by ImNotHere
Growing up I was very emotionally neglected, no one gave me attention or spent time with me. I remember feeling so lonely and wanting to die at 9 years old. I have also struggled with making friends and keeping them my entire life.
I am trying to move on but I can't seem to let go of the fact that my parents did not give me enough attention (it may sound stupid saying it as an adult but the fact is it greatly shaped the depressed person I am today) and making me feel worthless.
It has distorted my view of things so much that when I notice people aren't giving their kids enough attention I get angry (I don't mean if they only do it a little or once in a while but people who really don't put the effort in to spending time with their kids). I know some of this is based on truth - that they aren't spending enough time with kids but some of it is me projecting my issues on to people I barely know.
I know some will say "get over it" or talk to your family but they don't recognize that they have done anything wrong. I don't know how to just get over this.
I have severe anxiety, depression and avpd. Therapy and medication have yet to help me.
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I understand how it's hard to "just let go" or to "just get over it" because I get how it feels to not have that love or attention as a child myself. My mother was very self-centered and a drug addict & alcoholic. My entire life she has only cared about herself (Im 40 now). It hurts when you never got hugs or had the mom that baked you cookies. Even now my mom cares more about her drugs and druggie friends than she does myself or my 10 year old son. I even as a teen and in my 20's was suicidal. I think the only way to let go and heal is to talk to other's who understand. All I know is the one good thing it taught me is that I never wanted to be like her and we are complete opposites. Now I just need to break the co-dependent relationship we have. I've always been the one who acts like her mother instead of her stepping up to the plate and being mine. Keep your chin up! And remember to love yourself first and foremost.