This has been an absolutely horrible couple of weeks and I know part of it is because the had some emergencies and we had to miss some sessions. I have had so much go on lately that has shoved being alone in my face and realizations about there being nobody in my life I can turn to have really hit me hard.

I know the immediate response is to tell my t when I see him, but we have just gotten to the point of beginning to look into past issues and see if we can fix some things. I am afraid if I say how low I am and how bad it has been, he will decide the stress is to much to proceed right now. Also afraid he might realize how much I need him and begin to pull back.

I believe he is there in case of emergency, he has said I can text and u have, but that is in panic attack emergencies and not this stuff of the last two weeks, but I know if we keep going into bad stuff, I have nobody in my life to turn to. Even if I text him in an emergency, i can't let myself do it often and sure can't and wont every time in bottom out in loneliness, so not being worth anyone else's care is killing me and is getting worse each day.

I don't know whether to let him know how bad it's been and risk messing things up or try to ignore lately and see if things improve any as we progress. Not to suck pity, but I wish God saw me worth having someone in my life to be here for me, but those few he did send only turned out to harm not help. I don't understand