I've been married for just over 6 months now, and with my partner for over 5 years. I followed a similar pattern to yours in previous relationships but, luckily, found it to not be as prevalent with my husband, most likely because we're a good match.

That's not to say things aren't hard, because life with BPD can be rocky, especially since it is fairly new. One thing I've found has helped is education. My husband has read up a ton about BPD, maybe even more than I have, and understands how it works. This makes it a lot easier to deal with repercussions that come from my unstable emotions, quick mood swings, anger, etc. I'm still working on changing these patterns, of course, but it's extremely helpful be with someone who understands I love him and that my behavior is sometimes out of my control, not something personal to him.