Once again, thank you for sharing. I think if the desire to connect is stronger than the desire to isolate, then something can happen. Over the years I have used volunteering as a way to connect. Presently I don't have a volunteer position, which is strange, because it is something I have always had. So for me I need to find a new place to live, a new job, and after that I will look into volunteering again. The last volunteer position I had was working with therapy horses. It was the best volunteer position ever. As my horse teacher taught me, "The horse is going to wait for you to take the first step. You are the leader." At the time I was feeling a bit withdrawn and it was difficult. But then I saw it was true. The more outgoing I became the more the horses related to me. This is just an example of finding a way, when you have the will. Just talking about the horses gets me excited and I hope I can work with therapy horses again in the future. Good luck to you, however you decide to deal with your social anxiety. I overcame my fear of groups by volunteering, joining a meditation center, and also going to graduate school.

Which comes first, depression or social anxiety? For me, I think, depression is first, then I start to isolate, then the whole cycle gets going of sitting at home, feeling inadequate, negative self talk, more depression etc. So, for me, working on the depression is my logical step. I feel my isolation is caused by depression, low mood, and lack of motivation. So my reasons for being alone are a little different than yours.

I would like to add that no matter how nice someone is, if they display a bad temper, I won't have anything to do with them. Maybe in the past I was more tolerant, but now I just can't stand to be around that negativity. If an owner of a business displays a bad temper I will boycott that business. I am just saying this...just throwing it out there...because even though you say your bad temper is an outer shield to protect your fragile inner self, you should understand that right away this may cause people to not want to be around you. Another thing must people don't like is a complainer. I have found this to be absolutely true, so when I am coming out of a depression I have to be very careful who I talk to about it. A lot of people see depression as just a bad attitude, laziness, or character weakness. The more upbeat I am, the more responsive people are. It seems to just be a fact of life. Best of luck to you. I really think you are heading for a wonderful breakthrough.