Hi Seeker,
I'm sorry the extra weight you've gained is making you feel so bad about yourself. Remember, you are getting older so it is harder to lose the weight. But what I find when I'm trying to diet and making myself crazy by trying to lose weight is-the more I tried, it seemed the more things kept fluctuating.
I chalked my weight up to getting old and forgot about it. So what if I have a little chunkiness on my stomache-I'll soon have wrinkles and age spots, too-big deal. I went on my merry little way and about 2 weeks later, I'm undressed to shower, there's a full legnth mirror in my bathroom-I look at myself and see I don't have the chunkies anymore. I'm like "wow?" and I hop on the scale. I've lost 10 pounds without even trying. So, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe the less pressure you put on yourself the less you'll have reasons to fail so the less you stress out about it.
((((((((Seeker)))))))))) Accept yourself as you are if what you're worried about is not hurting you.