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Originally Posted by TishaBuv
I just realized this morning that I have been trying to give up on my husband for the past ten years. You are my soul sister!
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One of the things I'm trying to figure out is if I'm staying because I don't want to "fail." I already have one failed marriage so that kind of bugs me. I feel like I love him, but we're not on the same wavelength most of the time. I think he would have been OK if we just stayed friends (before we got married) but I thought I was so in love yadda yadda yadda. Now I feel like it's not enough love to make it work.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kelseashell
I've been married for just over 6 months now, and with my partner for over 5 years. I followed a similar pattern to yours in previous relationships but, luckily, found it to not be as prevalent with my husband, most likely because we're a good match.
That's not to say things aren't hard, because life with BPD can be rocky, especially since it is fairly new. One thing I've found has helped is education. My husband has read up a ton about BPD, maybe even more than I have, and understands how it works. This makes it a lot easier to deal with repercussions that come from my unstable emotions, quick mood swings, anger, etc. I'm still working on changing these patterns, of course, but it's extremely helpful be with someone who understands I love him and that my behavior is sometimes out of my control, not something personal to him.
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And this is one of my other issues. He doesn't really educate himself. He will tell you he's not "book smart." He listens to me and I must admit he's one of the most forgiving people I know, but I feel like I need him to GET IT. And he says he does, but I don't believe it. He loves me, he puts up with me, but from past talks I can tell that he just thinks that I CAN control this. I'm SURE he didn't expect the tongue lashing he got when he told me, "You can do anything you put your mind to." Sure I can. I'll be exhausted, at the end of my rope and ready to kill you, but sure buddy. I'll agree with you there."