I did find it addictive but less so recently. When I did it was that for me, it felt like it filled a hole, although it wasn't a perfect job of it (figurative hole). It was clear to me that I wanted to feel close to someone and he happened to be the perfect person for me I thought. I still find him very interesting, but he no longer fills a void, he's made his own void. Still I keep going because life is short and no one wants to suffer alone.