</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
sunrise said:
If you can carry on a conversation with him when he is not there, it shows you have internalized him.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Either that, or it shows that I have completely lost it.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
He's there inside with you, keeping you company. It helps you not miss him so much 'coss you got him there right inside. Yay for you!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I really never even thought about it this way. Thank you for pointing this out. I still feel so disconnected though. But you are right... there is a small piece that I have kept close enough to be able to do this.

During the course of the week I have managed to generate a list of embarassing things that I feel I have to tell him when he gets back. As mortifying as they are, each is significant:

1. Wishing he gave me something to fulfill the child needs, like a stuffed animal.
2. Sleeping with the book. (I will most likely bring a paper bag with me to put over my head after I tell him that one).
3. Having conversations with him when he's not there.
4. Crying. Enough to require tissues.
5. Calling his voicemail to not only hear his voice, but also because of the need to hear the specific date of his return over and over again.