The only way I can put it is that him entering into his new role as husband, with his fears of not being good enough, he had a break down as soon as he knew that he'd disappointed me. All the feelings of unworthiness were validated for him after this incident. He is in therapy he's just not getting enough care from his therapist. I do my absolute best at every single opportunity to help him feel valued and appreciated.

Mf, as soon as I read the words "childhood emotional neglect" I just couldn't believe you could hit it right on the nose that accurately! Well, he was neglected at a young age. Most days it was his sister that would care for him when she got off of work (she still claims to this day to have raised him) and as soon as something stressful was going on in the family he felt like he was in the way, that he had to make himself quiet. At that point nobody was left out - he stopped making friends and stopped wanting relationships with people altogether. Thank you for the link I will look into that. I giggled when you said "you can thank me later" ;D. Thank you, your suggestions make sense I'm just struggling to cope with this and I experience so much guilt for worrying more about my own needs when his are obviously much greater. I have been playing that parental role in his life for a while now, though I fear due to my own problems that I'm not doing a good enough job to help him through this but I do what I can and ultimately I know that's what counts. How do I help him through this? Is this about reassuring him and making him feel appreciated, safe and loved? Or is this about something else I'm not getting? A balance of different things?

We are both in therapy and see a marriage counselor together and I've been striving to do more to make myself happy to be less dependent of him but I fear it's getting nowhere. It doesn't help that with this incident I had a kind of inner breakdown as well that brought back old feelings of being to blame for things that happen to me, of not being good enough, of being abandoned. I too have things inside that need to be addressed and I've been working on that it's just so difficult. This has all been so hard on the both of us.

I am going to school but he works. He just doesn't have a stable job - his hours are so unpredictable. He may go weeks without really working and then other times he'll be working too much. I love your lunch idea I just don't know how practical that is for us right now and neither of us like sporting events. What's NAMI? I try not to allow what he's struggling with to affect me but that's much easier said than done, to say the least.

Thank you all so much! Your support is helpful!