There's no need to reply to this, I just want to vent.

I normally don't feel the need to post anything, but after I got home from a short 15 minute appointment I feel like I'm getting bitter and twisted.

The situation is like this, picture if you will I am a trucker awaiting medical clearance from the DOT. In order to get clearance I need a letter from my psychiatrist.

The letter is to consist of a current narrative and summary of my condition, it is to include the history of the relapse of schizoaffective-biploar disorder, hospitalization history, manic or severe depressive episodes, presence of thought disorders, all medications used to date, impairing side effects, therapeutic efficacy, medication compliance, stability on current dose and prognosis for performing trucking duties.

So in my case today, the letter is finally written, but it is done all in one sentence. Basically stating that I have schizoaffective biploar type and that I am on abilify.

After seeing that letter, I became quietly frustrated, I felt as if everything that was asked for was ignored. I didn't feel to mention anything to the doctor because to my knowledge this is probably all that is needed but I don't know until it actually goes through.

Now why this is making me all bitter and twisted is that I feel that I am completely fine and normal due to the medication. I have zero intrusive thoughts and psychotic thoughts. The only reason why anything ever happened in the first place was because I felt I had no true purpose because I had no job earning money, hence the psychotic break from reality believing in a special mission.

But now after everything has happened to me, I feel more like I have committed a felony and cannot acquire jobs that I trained for because the heavy label of schizoaffective-biploar. I informed by the doctor though the label will change as time goes on, so I think.

Every online form I have completed while applying for a job has this form about disability and sure enough my diagnosis is enough to be considered disabled. I always fill as "not willing to answer" because truthfully, I do not have active symptoms, nor do I feel myself as disabled. I find this is highly frustrating because after spending 7 years in college to earn a degree I feel it is implied by society the only job I could get is a minimum wage janitorial job. I still have my hopes about me though.

I feel like my life has been majorly screwed up (for the time being), I not being dramatic about it because I'm looking at the dim side of it all right now. I understand things can change and can be proven otherwise. It's just that sometimes I get this heavy feeling that I am getting passive aggressively bullied into feeling like an outcast, a leper.