I should be happy today, so many good things have happened. Instead I'm numb at best and want to cry at worst.

In looking at my thoughts, my problem is I envy and loathe basically everyone. And there's no way to get on their level: I'm neurotypical as they come, my IQ and personality are set, my past is done and unchangeable. I'm just stuck here and the best I can hope for is subsistence. But I can't stop, just can't stop thinking that I'm inherently, despicably inferior and worthless. Sometimes there are stretches where it's all I think about.