dear t,

You asked me today after I told you how my son sat and talked to me the other night, what is my intention for being there today? what am I there to talk about? and I sorta tilted my head and said I don't know. And you said something like it isn't all love and light, wish i'd asked what the heck you meant by that, but I didn't, I was really tired and just wanted to BE there, is that so wrong? Well anyway that's why I agreed about doing another sand tray. I said a couple of things that were kinda big realizations when it comes right down to it, that the cliff that the white horse stopped at wasn't meant to be an end, but like I said, a taking off point; me 'taking off' from therapy perhaps? Is that what you're trying to show me by continuing to ask what brings me there any given day? If I keep coming there but don't have a particular reason to, does that start to mean I don't need to be there anymore? I wanted to just be in that room today, more so even than I wanted to see you, I just wanted to be in that space, that is so warm and calming, after having to be so extroverted at work today.

We're not meeting next week, so I'll have plenty of time to think about this, and then next time when I come, I hope you ask that question again, (if you don't I'll ask you to ask it!) because I will answer it by saying "I am here to talk about not needing to come here anymore."

And I'm not even torturing myself with these thoughts anymore. Meaning, it's NOT torture. Coming weekly for a bit again has fast-forwarded another big chunk of work. And I'm feeling like we need to have that talk. It's feeling right. I'm separating from you for reals.

Because I know now it's not so much YOU that I need, it's like I told you recently - it's the me that I am when I'm there that I need, and I'm more and more letting myself be that me. Well, with the exception of the stuff with my son. But **** happens, right t? I've worked through all of that though.

me