I don't have any insights and I haven't dealt with this particular problem but it seems to me putting your foot down is a good idea.

Sadly your husband is acting more like a child than a life partner. It won't help to let him off the hook from his adult responsibility.

Sorry if I'm sounding harsh. I don't mean to. I just spent the day with a friend who is dealing with similar issues with her partner. She has so many dreams and hopes for her life... their life yet he seems totally disinterested. I figure that unless she is prepared to state and stick to what she feels she needs... they need as a couple then she will continue to fight the same battles.

I wish you well EJ as you try to find the magic button to motivate your man there. I think you are right to have expectations and to let him know what he is gambling with. I pray he gets real with himself so that he can figure out what it is that is causing him to sabbotage his life and yours.

Peace and patience be with you....