(((((finesticher))))) wow, you sure had more than your share in life. i know because i did, too. i totally understand what it's like to live with a "progressive decay" of physical living. although i'm not "decaying physically," i had a stroke over 1 1/2 years ago at the age of 33. now, i'm 35 and feel so freaking old. of course, this can also be a symptom of depression. i have treatment-resistant depression where none of the meds work or work for a very short time. i'm lucky to survive the stroke and recover fully physically, i sure don't feel lucky at all. yes, although i had mdd since i was 20, it has complicated my depression. just wanted you to know that you're not alone.