I can relate. I remember as a kid, around 11 years old, having a knife pointed to my heart. My parents would get mad at me for trying to kill myself, I wasn't really going to do it, but deep down, I was just crying for attention and affection.

It could be hard finding good therapy and medication but don't give up. Keep searching until you find what works. If therapy and medication is not working, try experimenting with other methods.

From my own experience and research, I found psychedelics extremely profound on dealing with my depression. It literally saved my life. I think it has to do with stimulating neurogenesis (growth of new brain cells) and high release of serotonin neurotransmitters (feel good chemical in brain).