The thing about the shadow self (that's Jung's term) is that the first and most important part is accepting them. The reason we project our negative traits into (onto?) others is that we seek to reject them from ourselves. But the simple act of denying that part of us creates a break in our subconscious. It forces our whole into fragments. In many ways this happens naturally, but normally the different pieces of ourselves at least work with each other to function well. The shadow self fights the rest of the collective whole and impedes the ability to function. ((In many ways dissociative personality disorder is an extreme physical manifestation of this))

Seeing the shadow self for what it is (as you've just done here) is step one, and step two you're already on your way to - accepting it as part of you. (Actually, you pretty much completed that in words. Sticking to the perspective is all that's needed.) When addressing the memories, one point to remember is this - these are things that are in the past. Even the ones you're just now gaining. They're all things that defined how you grew and developed as a person. They are NOT, however, things that define who you currently are. The thing about memories is that you can choose to cast them aside after the fact. As you address the emotions from each, ask yourself what the root of that feeling was...what about the memory filled you with anger, or damaged your self esteem. I'm sure you've heard the "reality check" method - where you acknowledge what reactions are based in reality and what ones aren't. You've also probably heard of or used the method of asking yourself how the memory's events affected your outlook and perspective...and asking what control you actually had over a certain memory's events.

The main point here is to keep an objective outlook on these things. Feel the emotion, but don't let it determine how you react. Address it, reality check it, let go of the things you had no control over, and assess whether the memory is beneficial to you or not. Choose which memories you want to keep as vital and important, and which you can discard as things that you no longer need to cling to. Piece by piece you'll start to put yourself back together, and with each memory and reaction you resolve (because that's what's happening here - you're resolving old memories), the shadow self will begin to transform into something more connected to the rest of your psyche.