hello Nuala, I think that the reason you feel ****** has to do with him playing the abandonment card on you and even though you know you're not the messed up one here there was a time when perhaps you were...could there be some unresolved issues related to that? of course I'm taking shots in the dark but feelings seldom happen in a "vacume" or without some real basis. If the source does'nt seem to be "current" then it could be from the past.