I have too much on my mind right now. Too much dark. Too much sadness. Too much. I'm embarrassed but part of that too much is I miss you. I need you. You help. So here I sit missing you, afraid of myself and upset at myself and just a freaking mess. I want to tell you I miss you but I can't. It's stupid. I hurt. We all have hurt but this new 'discovery' is throwing me into a dungeon that I don't want to be in anymore.