Last night I was still crying until I took my new med: I think it's called Mirtazapine (remerol) but I can't remember certainly and my husband has finally began locking my meds (this is a damn good thing). It knocked me out. Today was bad until noon when I made myself drink coffee and get up and do something. It is the first time in almost a week. My husband has been giving me a get out of jail free card this entire time and wants to take me on a date tomorrow if I am up to it. See, he isn't always pushy and nitpicky . Today, I actually haven't cried once. I also restarted my clozapine last night, thank God (I think this may have been a huge culprit of this episode). You have seen how depressed I can become but I honestly can say I don't think I have ever experienced this level of gloom, not ever. This has been exhausting and scary. I hope I can recover quickly.