Quote:
Originally Posted by Ocean Swimmer
I too am worried that you say you owe the irs Tons of money. They could garnish his wages. And being 2 months behind on the house payment is no joke either. At 3 months they can foreclose.
That would mean you would get a notice to move within 24 hours.
What do you spend this $800 month on? Groceries?
And you say you have bad credit?
The relationship stinks. You know that. But you could get a job.
You could fudge it. Tell a friend to vouch for you that she has her own business and you've been working for her. When there's a will there's a way. Then you can help to get the mortgage current. Make a deal with IRS and get that paid too. You can be responsible if you want to. It's up to you.
Ask him for your phone back as you are going on job interviews and need to get back to prospective employers.
You obviously want to stay in this relationship. You may have learned to be mistreated by your mom and dads relationship.
You could go to a free DBSA NAMI support group.
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Thanks for responding. I don't know what will happen as he rarely tells me much of anything. All I know is that we HAVE been through this a few times in the past, and things did work out in the end. He will probably work out some sort of payment plan with them and the mortgage company or bank.
As for what I spend the money on, paying off bills, some food, sometimes visits to the vets for my two cats, sometimes going out (but not that often), clothing, and grooming services that us women need like haircuts and waxing.
I try to look nice for him and myself. Thanks for your good advice. I could lie about my work history, but it won't be easy to do since a lot of places do background checks, and if they catch me in a lie, that won't be good. I suspect that I've been fired from past jobs because of that. And I have two things on my record that will scare off most employers.
Please don't judge me for this. The first one was for a shop lifting something that cost around $50 tops. I didn't exactly get arrested. I did get chained to a bench in an office and I was there for hours. They were super mean to me and demanded that I sign some papers so that we would have to end up paying the mall a fee which was steep for the offense. Then I had to beg them to let me use the bathroom. It was very excessive and they were all clearly on power trips. Of course, my husband hit the roof when he found out. He hired a lawyer and he took care of everything.
It wasn't expunged though. I don't have the money to expunge it, and my husband would not pay for it anyways as we ended up paying a fortune in lawyers fees. That was back in 2000. I haven't really worked at anything but free lance jobs that lasted a day or two since then for market research companies. They don't do those checks, but the work is super hard to get, and you can only do them so often, but the money is good.
And the second offense was back in 2011 or 2010 for a first time DUI. Thankfully no one was hurt. I spent the night chained to a chair. It was awful. I drank to much on an empty stomach. I went to classes and got community service which I completed. I learned my lesson and I will never make the same mistakes again. I will go to jail for two years if I were to be caught again for a DUI, so there is no way in hell that I'm risking that, my life, or anyone else's life. Again, he hit the roof, but hired a lawyer who did all of the work.
So with that being said, who the hell would hire me? I even job rejected for a job at Target! And Safeway! So I'm not sure if anyone would be willing to hire me!
What kind of counseling is DBSA? Where can I find it? I live in Ca. Anyways, I hope that he never does hit me. I let him know that I'll take action fast and call the cops again if he does, so that's why he took my phone away.
He had to go to a hotel last time, and he was embarrassed that the neighbors saw what was going on. They all think that he's this great guy when they don't really know him.
Anyways, I just sent him a text that explained how I felt w/o making it sound like everything was his fault. I did say sorry that I drank to much and said a few things that I didn't mean, but that I don't appreciate being yelled at.
I also sent him a link about emotional abuse. I told him that it's not normal to abuse and hurt people that you claim to love, and that by taking away my phone and threatening to not get me the laptop that he promised are all signs of controlling and intimidating behavior that I don't appreciate.
I asked him if he'd like to go to marriage counselor with me to work on his anger and control issues. I doubt that he will, but now I have written proof that I tried to be the adult here if push comes to shove. Pun not intended.
Anyways, trying to find low cost counseling of any kind is very hard. I did contact this one lady, but she ignored my email it seems like. I made the mistake of asking her over email about her sliding scale payment and that I'm not sure if my husband will help me pay for it as I'm not working. That was a huge, huge mistake!
I'm upset about that. Why even offer a sliding scale fee if money is such an issue to them? She could've worked something out with me, or have referred me to a low or no cost counseling center. I did ask for that, and she ignored me, ugh!
The search will continue though. Hopefully I'll find someone who can and will help soon at a reduced rate. And better yet, hopefully by some miracle, my stubborn husband will attend at least a few sessions with me.
I got my phone back, and will hide it from now on. He is still giving me the silent treatment, ugh! The good news is that I don't think that he'll ever hit me, but this emotional abuse that he dishes out when he's angry and stressed out is not ok! I'm going to do whatever I can to stop this