Do you share my experience that full-on manic episodes (gradually escalating or acute) are often preceded by a mild depression induced by strict norms and/or endless routine? If so, do you feel mania is induced by sabotage to feel some excitement? And if so, do you think there are better ways to deal with under-stimulation? And which might that be?

Myself, I think there is no shame in looking for excitement, but too often this involves looking for resistance, a fight, as it were.

Could it be that we (subconsciously) look for ways to limit our options for the purpose of thrill-seeking and some more (clear) meaning to our lives?

If not, what mechanism do you find may underlie a switch to (pre-)mania? Or do you see yourself solely the victim of an illness which purely spontaneously gives you periods of severe depression and mania?

Does it comfort you to think of your BP as something you have no control over? Honestly it does for me. I must remind myself that the underlying causes of my mood changes might be abnormal, but that doesn't mean I should just give up trying to cope with as little psychopharmacological aids as possible. Even if is very difficult and people don't understand, it is still my responsibility not to get manic or depressed. Not all guilt after a manic episode is unjustified and purely given in by irrational, depressive thinking.