I've always been an anxious person about my health and the health of others (but not about anything else, oddly).

Ever since I was 10 and I got my first period (TMI!) I thought I was going to die of internal bleeding.

It was always manageable though. I could keep going with my life and be relatively okay. Recently, it's gotten much worse. Any minor pain can send me into a spiral of fear. I've had to stay home from school a few times. It's that bad. I'm so afraid of everything and I don't want to fail any classes but I can't concentrate on anything but symptoms. No matter how many times I'm assured that I'm okay I still can't shake the fear.

Just today my mother and I went to an urgent care center because I was having lower abdominal pain. They ran all the usual tests and said that I had no symptoms of appendicitis but they would keep an eye on it to make sure. (They said it was probably nothing or an ovarian cyst that would go away with time or whatever) But I can't stop thinking: what if it's cancer, what if it's appendicitis, what if I have kidney disease, WHAT IF IT'S INCURABLE AND I DIE BEFORE I CAN EVEN GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL.

I'm just so afraid constantly and I can't properly think about school or anything really because I'm constantly checking my heart rate or worrying about every ache and pain.

And the worst thing is that I know that I'm probably being irrational but it doesn't help because there are 16 year olds who get stage 4 cancer and die. There are people who don't realize they're sick until it's too late.

I just...I don't know what to do and I'm so afraid and I get to a point where I can't calm down and I can't always breath normally and I can't sit still and I just cry and cry and I feel so bad for my mom because she has to deal with it.

Is there someone else who's had this? Is there anything I can do? I go to a therapist but I don't know what to do. I'm also a really shy person and it's so hard for me to tell anyone all this in person. I always feel like I'm bothering people.

Sorry for ranting. I really needed to get all of this out.