I once saw a new to me pdoc. She was insistent that I was dangerously manic and I was just as insistent that I felt the same as I had been feeling for many months and was not in trouble at all, although I would like her to do something to maybe help me. She kept pushing that I needed to be admitted and I kept saying I did not and that doing so at that moment would have been awful b/c I hadn't even told my mom I had bipolar yet but she'd have to take care of my cats and I didn't have anyone who could easily cover for me at work without notice and a hundred other things. She kept pushing and while I am usually quiet and polite and I hide being upset she pushed so much I started yelling. She told me that she was admitting me without my consent at that point and started the paperwork for an involuntary admit and said she would call the police and that I'd just given up any freedom I had in the matter.

I was already terrified of hospitalizations and this was sounding worse than anything I'd dreamed of because I knew I didn't need the police or a state stay and she was throwing out details that made it all seem worse--the police would come and cuff me, I'd have to ride in a cruiser, etc. I finally started spitting out enough medical words that she realized I wasn't going to be staying past a 3 day hold if that unless I was voluntary and she finally said that I had one week at home and then had to go in.

I waited out that week and arranged for coverage for work and then found out it was only her way of trying to stay in some control; when I called as ordered in a week I just was told that she wasn't accepting my care, thanks and good-bye. Fine with me.

Working with other pdocs who were kinder and willing to listen to what I was saying kept me out of the hospital until a time when I was much more comfortable with it, about 7 years later and I have gone willingly since. The whole thing is one of my worst psychiatric memories (I'm sure I've forgotten other really bad things).