dont understand why god had to take away the onlything ive ever loved...
i try to believe in god, in good.... i do try ;/ just dont know anymore..
maybe i feel like i dont want to believe in some god that would let one of his feel such torment...

going to get off here and just stair at the wall for a while... too many emotions coming through... i cant cipher through the anguish or anger... im just disappointed... angry that things are like this... but at the same time i feel so much guilt... my emotions are conflicted... sigh...

god, why wont you help me im going to stop asking for help soon...