I am sorry to hear you feel like you have no control. I do relate. It's certainly a distinguishing feature of BP that we ourselves and clinicians are unprepared and surprised by the (sometimes sudden) polarity switches. Not knowing what could possibly have caused it.

In my experience, a mood episode is "primed" by a milder switch, but our reaction to it often, but certainly not always, makes it go to extremes.

A big part of that reaction can certainly be fear. After every episode, the fear and anxiety becomes greater and rises faster. Any small change in mood causes anxiety. Our episodes then become more chronic, erratic and spontaneous.

However, this would imply you can get back to a state without spontaneous, sudden polarity switches by not concentrating on your mood, being unable to control them, but just on bringing the resulting fear/anxiety down to not have it escalate. Too often, in my experience, anxiety is seen as just a comorbid condition which kinda just lives alongside BP, but the "positive feedback loop" between mood and anxiety is underestimated.

Very often, maybe always, BP starts off by reactive mood changes and only later these become more spontaneous and erratic. This is just built up fear. It is harder to see the cause of mood changes just because you are more sensitive of them. This there is a cause: there always is, for everything (with the possible exception of God and first life or some Big Bang).

I would, therefore, concentrate on that fear. If you can't bring it down yourself, use whatever pharmalogical means to get it down. Even if that means living like a zombie for a while. But make sure you still cycle enough to notice it, but without the fear.

That way, you dissociate a change in mood/energy from anxiety.

Living without fear for your changes in mood, energy and perception is the first step. Just let it all happen. Give yourself time to heal. If at all possible, take some leave of absence from all your other responsibilities and focus just on one: accept (wild) polarity changes, don't rush yourself to counter them, take a sleep aid if necessary and I promise you: just by accepting the changes, you actually will start to get back more and more control.

I really hope you start to feel better and, at least a little bit, more in control. Give it time, but stay optimistic. One step at a time. Relief from anxiety only needs time with less anxiety. Any day you manage that, you control the disorder.