i feel depressed from things like life stress, studying stress, people, holidays(although i've many activities) and i just feel like i cant keep handling all this and dont wish to do anything, just want vacation away in island or somewhere away from life to rest forever
all my thoughts so negative and depressing, even my friends notice from my sad poems and my way when i chat. and it makes me sick from myself why cant i take everything in easy way with hopeful thoughts and stop looking back, why cant i work on something without stressing and think its going to fail or that im weak to finish
i feel lost and confused and lots of screaming inside my mind. and seem like side of me doesnt want to cry and think im not depressed. sometimes it gets fine for days then get back again.

my close net friend told me that i should better check therapist since it keeps repeating, but my mom think its not that serious to take me, although she knows how negative i can be

today i dreamt that a therapist came house and asked me about my issues, i cant remember details, but i guess i said three things? studying, people and past life maybe? and seemed confused anyway i was crying and in the end therapist didnt say anything useful and even seemed kinda scared/shocked then left

i just wish i can just sit in island peacefully and stop thinking to be honest and take my book series and finish them to feel that i did good thing in my life(as it also give some advice not only sad dark love series) that i enjoy.