He is a good boyfriend, outside this issue. I wouldn't take a second thought to be with him if he wasn't. But being with someone is so hard for me to do. The idea of getting close to someone and opening myself up for hurt physically disgusts me. Its had an impact on all my relationships because I just cannot trust people. Over the past few years I have als cut ties with a lot of people. I'm happy with my small circle of friends and my mum and dad. That's all I have because I refuse to communicate on a bonding level with other people.

He knows how hard this has been for me. He knows that i have had it bad before him and I've told him time and time again that if he ever lies to me no matter how big or small that trust I've been trying to build up will be void from the second he does.

And now he's gone and done it. how many times? I don't even know. I feel sick that he's done that. Id rather die old and lonely than feel like this all over again, I just can't do it