Hello, the sad queen. Thank you for your post. Please continue talking to us.

I cannot say I understand. Each of us has our own experiences. I can say, I often seek oblivion.

Does your school have a counselor? If so, please consider telling the counselor about your thoughts.

Also, there are online meditation cites. Mindfulness meditation might be helpful.

You must change to get better. Change is a constant.

What do you think your mom's reaction to your post would be? Maybe showing her would allow her to see your need for professional help?

You are in my prayers, brave one.