Hello sinking: Yes, absolutely! I was bullied both verbally & physically all through high school by a gang of older boys. I believe if they had ever gotten ahold of me alone, they'd have killed me. Everyone, including my parents, knew what was happening. But nobody cared. I'm now in my 60's & still suffer the ill effects. I'm not sure if it was the abuse itself that did the most damage or if it was the fact that everyone stood by & watched. It doesn't matter anymore.

Anyway, yes at 34, it's absolutely possible that you are struggling with issues related to abuse you suffered earlier in life. I enjoy reading about, & watching TV programs about current brain research. And one thing that keeps coming up is that much more of who we are & what we do is controlled by areas of our brains to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So, even if consciously you don't think your prior abuse still haunts you, there may be non-conscious areas of your brain that are still struggling with it.

I struggle with allot of suicidal ideation too. So I understand what this is like. I hope you can find a way to overcome yours.