((sinking)),

When someone is struggling with PTSD and "wants to die", what they really want is to free themselves up from the fear and sensitivity and pain they are experiencing. I can understand where you are right now as I have experienced it myself, what really helped me was understanding that having these feelings of wanting to end came in waves and I had to learn how to be patient with them as they do go away.

I too had gotten to a point where things I had experienced in the past were coming forward and I genuinely did not understand it. What is important to understand about this however is that it's time for you to sort through these things that are coming forward, and when you begin to "consciously" acknowledge that they did happen, you will slowly begin to realize the severity of these flashbacks disipate. When traumatic situations take place the brain is not capable of sorting through it all on a conscious level with that part of our brain. When things happen we rely on our basic instints to survive whatever it may be. We have to be that way in order to survive, and our brain learns how to "store" traumas until we are at a point where we are safe enough to think about what had happened and learn from whatever it was so we have better ways of responding.

The main thing that will help you is learning how to be very patient, that while it can be overwhelming where you are now, you can gain on it and get so you manage it to where you are not so overwhelmed you will have these "I want do just die" feelings come forward. With the right therapy and time to sort through this challenging history you can gain and grow a lot. You are ruined, you just need time to sort through and heal.

(((Caring Supportive Hugs)))
OE