Am I at fault?
Rationally the answer would be no..
But that doesn't stop the Sui ideation and scary thoughts

If I told a doctor about the Sui ideation, they would likely increase my meds

(I'm allergic to most meds, and I also think the Paxil I was on for many years has harmed me physically )

I stopped the Paxil without any help from a doctor (I had tried asking them for help, only to receive the reply that I'm not a "priority"

I was feeling positive, I had positive plans

I was then hit by yet another scary event which would scare and... anyone