Maybe before working towards forgiveness it's worth defining it for yourself. Are there people you've forgiven in the past? What did that look like or feel like?

I personally don't think it's about it not bothering me anymore. I still feel emotions about things... it's like they don't have any power over me anymore. But forgiveness is complicated and hard and I don't know that you have to think about all the big picture stuff yet.

What happened was deeply painful and you have a lot to deal with in the mean time. Maybe just start thinking about defining forgiveness and don't put it in the context of ex-T? That way it doesn't feel so heavy? Then when you have an idea and time has given you some distance, you can bring the two ideas together and decide how you want to go forward with that particular piece.

Hopefully that makes sense...