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Old Feb 27, 2016, 02:50 PM
Icare dixit's Avatar
Icare dixit Icare dixit is offline
Magnate
 
Member Since: Feb 2016
Location: A version of earth
Posts: 2,626
Yes, I still do, but nowadays only to myself. Of course that is a/the huge bipolar trait. No intent needed, in my book. I find the whole intention thing confusing, really. We may think we lose control over ourselves, but do we really? Or do we ever have control, just because we act more acceptably?

But as a child I lied all the time. Pretending to be more interesting than I was or just different from how I was. I still think back with nostalgia to the time of my former self. Totally different from who I am now.

I know for sure (I clearly recollect the moment I felt I couldn't continue being that way) that lying (together with an incident of aggression) has been (and is) the reason that I got severely depressed for the first time, lasting years. It was (in the eyes of a child) mania-like losing oneself, losing control.

I've never been the same since. I still lie, but only to myself (unless "I am fine" is a lie). And I can't lie to others. It must be very much associated with my first, "childish", but very severe Icarus' fall.
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Mania kills cells. Brain cells die. Memories become more reduced conceptually, making more efficient use of limited means. Memories shape our reality. Our memories are more or less split in two by abstractions, conceptual reductions. Mood states with memories, concepts, attached. Memories of pain and those of joy. It causes instability, changeability. Fearing that will leave an emptiness between pain and joy and a greater divide.
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Imah, pirilin