Usually my wife leaves the house before I do, taking the kids to school, whereas my day starts later and often is more variable than hers. A few years ago she had two weeks of stay-cation time where she'd come back home. I'd be in my office and not really thinking about her presence, as I'm used to being alone at home during the work/school day. I'd just come and go as I usually do, without saying good-bye to her.

Almost after her stay-cation was up, she said, hey, I would really like it if you would say good-bye to me before you leave the house and hello before returning. I said okay, because I care about her and I want her to know that her needs and desires are important to me.

You could say I'm a giant dolt for not spontaneously thinking that saying goodbye when I left the house would be important to her even though the situation was out of the ordinary. She could have pouted and waited for me to inquire about what was wrong. She could have blamed me for not doing something completely obvious or brought it up as an example of how I don't care about her feelings or how I'm not excited she's got some "me" time when she doesn't get a lot of that. She could have interpreted my behavior as being negatively directed at her. "If he loved me more, he'd say good bye to me when he left."

Or she could be fully adult and just ask for what she wanted, which is what she typically does. Which is one of the many reasons why it's lovely to be in a relationship with her. She doesn't try to interpret the meaning of my behavior when she's curious, she just asks. If she wants me to do or not do something, she just asks. Sometimes she can explain why, or how it makes her feel, and I want to do what she asks because I want her to feel good. That's my genuine desire.

Because I grew up in a home where nobody was particularly direct, because I grew up having to intuit how my behavior was linked to positive or negative outcomes, because I grew up being blamed for things that couldn't possibly be my fault and were not things that I could change-- I have grown to learn these direct, open, communicative things. I have also learned that other people, not just my wife, appreciate directness. It is good for relationships.

It would not be difficult for you to figure out a way to communicate to your T what you would like your ending ritual to be. "Say, I really like it when you say good bye and walk me to the door. Could we do that today?" Maybe you have to ask the next session. Maybe you have to ask every session. Asking for what you want doesn't have to include a complaint or be turned into a big deal.

In my experience with therapy, paying attention to my own reactions to my T's behavior, rather than attempting to interpret hers, has been much more productive. Keeping the focus on myself has helped me to get to understand myself better and question some of my old coping behaviors.