I've realised that instead of my mood going all over the place I actually just switch between excitement & open minded to irritable & angry (sometimes agitated & ranting, ranting which often then set off the excitement again). I get "depressed" but it's more agitated than what you would expect. It's low mood combined with the inability to relax. Its maddening, none of the meds have worked other than benzos which I'm not allowed. I cannot settle myself to a comfortable level. I mean it's not like I'm always raging, I just always feel on edge, sometimes it turns into raging.

I pay close attention to my moods now, I do my best to reign them in & not act on my emotions, to the point I don't think anyone actually understands that I'm battling in my head until I have an outburst & then they're all shocked.

I don't know the cause of all this below the surface anger & conflict that I have. It's like I'm in one ridiculously long, fairly mild but still infuriating mixed episode. Or this has nothing to do with bipolar & I'm looking for answers in the wrong place.