I've been out of a similar situation now for a year. I'd been forced to leave my job due to my illness and had become totally dependant on my partner to support me and our son. The strain of that dependancy pushed me to find a way to make money on my own. I now work part time as a consultant and accept support from my son's father to help pay the bills. I probably made it so uncomfortable for my ex to be around me that eventually he left and the last time I decided to keep him out. I didn't beg him or plead with him to hang in.... I offered him an exit strategy and he jumped at it.

My income isn't very consistant and there are periods when I'm not able to work because of one MI issue or another and money is always very tight. More often than I'd like to admit I live off my credit when I'm not able to work. Still all in all it is better than it was when i was in the relationship. I have my independance and I don't have to listen to put downs and ridicule and insults anymore. Even if it requires a great deal of active faith thinking to believe I can do it alone it is far better than it was.

In or out of a relationship I think it is important that women especially find some financial independance. Being dependant on another is a very slipper slop. I'd love to believe in the concept of a marriage 'partnership'.... what is mine is yours, yours is mine.... ours.... it just doesn't seem to happen very often in real life. Whoever has control of the bank account has control of the relationship. Sad but true more often than not.

Even if you have to rob a little from the grocery money I'd be building a stash for your own survival. A secret slush fund with which you can support yourself for a couple of months while you find your footing should you ever feel the need to leave the relationship.

I'd have preferred it if my ex and I could have worked through our issues but the imbalance of power just got too out of sync and it went to his head or ego or something beyond my reach. He got mean and uncaring and hypercritical of my every move.

Now we are friends again and he has become my strongest supporter. He is more enerous with money than he ever was when I needed it the most. He is more attentive and generous as a father than he ever was when we were all together. Go figure hey. I've come to think that the pressure he felt from being the only breadwinner was overwhelming for him. Now that some of the pressure is off he can be more himself again. I don't forsee us ever getting back together but yet I feel as though I can lean on him in ways I never could when we were together.

I'm not sure if my story relates enough to be helpful. I guess I just wanted to reinforce what others have said. Explore your options for staying and for leaving but either way don't leave yourself pennyless. Build a stash, learn about your rights, find out what the services are that can help you and trust yourself to make it on your own. Don't let anyone every hold you hostage or a prisoner. You do have choices. They may be difficult to make and whatever decision you make will come with a load of stresses so keep your eye on your goal and believe in yourself. It can get better. I'm believing that for you.

Take good care.....