I've been struggling with suicidal ideations for weeks now. and online bully who I know in real life- they know where I live and he's gone to jail for physoicaly assaulting women. This be sound stupid but I'm scared- I haven't left my apartment in a week.

When I hear things I ask my SO "did you say....?" and he says he hasn't said anything. I havent been eating or sleeping. I can't tell if they are real, and whn they happen I try my best to brush it off especially when my SO isnt around. But I get so confused. I tri to think and it's jumbled up. I cant focus, my head hurts sooooo much. I tri to distract myself with Netflix- its always on. Im trying to watch UFC now but I cant focus.

I just want to take a whole bottle of benzos and go to sleep (and hopefully never wake up) but I dont want to end up in the hospital. I'm so scared all the time, I cant sleep when I do it's bad dreams or night terrors.

I'm on 500mg divalproex 150mg Lyrica .5mg xanax