...we had a freak out the other night and its like kinda embarassing....and we're trying to limit ourselves to being online like every now and then and trying to deal with life. Its actually been a few days before I allowed ourselves to login.

Work is freaking the system out and we're getting paranoid over everything, second guessing ourselves and watching it all mentally fall apart. The employers think that we are amazing which should be all that matters, but acceptance by your peers can be painful enough to throw away a good paying job. We've thrown away plenty of jobs thats paid up and over $20.00/hr because of this which is good for a nut job like us. I dont think that we can land another one. This is why we stayed self-employed for 25 years but its dead.

We realize that in a group of peers and being observed with all the switching that we do... Its obvious what everyone thinks about us just by their looks and attitude and behavior and avoidance.

I've heard "people like you" too many times.

Our really biggest obsession issue is the transgender one- it hurts. It's all we (fems) think about, we were here first. Its an obsession that hurts to the core. The others don't care as of yet because they know the truth.

It's like we're struggling with the exact same issues of self that we've struggled with at the younger age of 15 before denying ourselves for the next 33 years. Now that we've come out of hiding, its like time has passed us up and we are "too late" which isn't really true. Just too late for after making the worse decision in our lifetime back then.

So, as long winded that we get at times, life is getting too real...too complicated....too intense....too wrong.

Thanks for reading. - Sherry