I understand the feeling too, of being with your husband and being so alone and unloved. I have had a couple of decades of that and it is painful. My husband has been completely detached from me, but I don't think he has been "in love with the situation." I guess the difference for me is my husband doesn't pretend to be in love with me. It sounded like Rhap's guy was in love but the behavior seems to say otherwise. That is what was paradoxical to me about the statement.

fayerody, I guess I don't think someone who is "in love for themselves" is really in love.

I am very sorry for everyone who has emotionally unavailable mates, for whatever reason. It is indeed very, very painful. With my husband, it was very deliberate, a way to hurt me. I have read some good books on emotional and verbal abuse and worked on this in therapy. I understand a lot better now about myself, him, why he does this, and why I stayed so long. Understanding has helped give me the strength to at last let go and move forward toward divorce and getting on with my life.