Hallie- question. Don't answer if you don't want, maybe I am mis-interpreting.

You said someone is there, you said, you would be so embarrassed. Have you been fixating on this person? Do you have the you want to see him, but you don't want him to see you unwell thing? Do you have the (don't worry - so common) bit of fixation going on for this doc?

Underneath, are you wanting to not be well so you CAN see him, but then also not wanting that - duality thing happening?