Maybe meeting with your t will help give you time to sort things out. I thought I was going insane before I was diagnosed with DID. I was having panic attacks two to three times a week and I didn't know they panic attacks. Just thoughts I was losing my mind. I too was having thoughts of suicide. My biggest concern with suicide was regret. I didn't want to have regret in that moment between living and dying. I went to see a therapist. I also started taking antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. The medication helped to slow down my thoughts. It gave me time to really look at my life with out the repetitive thinking and feelings of pure panic. I decided to stay. I decided to accept life as a journey. I realized I didn't have to get anywhere but to just live. The medication helped. Once I decided to live and learned that I had parts, I began to realize that it was only two parts who wanted suicide and the others didn't think about it at all. So now if we get triggered and resort to thoughts of suicide we remind ourselves that that is not what the majority wants. It's not an option. We also stopped sh after breaking our hand. We decided that the body didn't deserve to suffer. And we are still very sorry about the broken hand. So maybe talking to your t could help right now.