SP, I've forgiven several rather monstrous people in my life who I never did understand their position, how or why they could have possibly done what they did. I didn't have the opportunity to ask two of them, but I wouldn't have even tried if I had the opportunity. Just wasn't worth giving them any further opportunity to in any way harm me. I think with those people who I never reached a place of understanding about, the forgiveness, for me, just came from a place of faith--knowing it was out of my hands and that they will be held accountable in due time. It may not be a concept everyone believes in or understands, and it is probably against guidelines to discuss as I am talking about my spiritual beliefs now, but those are what have always held true for me no matter what else failed. (I apologize if I am overstepping here and I won't go further.) Whatever the case, know that if it comes, it will take time and it is a very personal journey. I think your T was putting the idea out there as something to consider. It is a hard concept and one that is very individual. It took me a very long time to get there.