Hey,

I'm new here this is my first post, I wasn't sure where to post this but I do not have an official diagnosis or anything like that I have never been to a therapist or a mental health doctor before, but I feel like I need some help , I just don't feel right.

A little bit about me, I am a 22 year old male , currently in college, I go online because it just worked out that way, I have anxiety about being away from home, I tried going to university for a year and a semester it just didn't work out. Anyways I am doing fine in school passing all of my classes. I have a good relationship with my parents etc. everything is all right. I don't have many friends just one that I sometimes text from high school , he works and we don't see each other very much at all, but we still text each other. I have some phobias about graduating and finding a job but that should be normal like most people my age. I stopped driving after I had an accident , no injuries however it ended up going the usual route with suing etc . which has made me terrified to drive I only drive to the grocery store about a mile away any more. If I wasn't already paranoid that made me even more paranoid and afraid of society than I already am. I am all right with not driving though it seems many people do fine with walking to work or living in areas where cars aren't needed. Anyways that is a bit of background about me.

Here is my problem:

This was about 3 years ago

I used to work as a busboy in a restaurant, I didn't even stay very long only 2 months . It was really gross and I have phobias of human waste and germs and just gross stuff in general. I just can't handle being near other peoples waste and working that job I had to change restroom trashcans etc and it was really gross, I'm actually having trouble talking about it. I tried to put it out of my head but I can't stop feeling disgusting, I just feel unclean like I will never be able to be myself again. I do not think it is OCD but from what I have read I don't have compulsions , I did when I worked there every night I had a cleaning ritual I vigorously washed myself and before I left I poured bleach on my hands and arms , it helped me feel better at the moment burned off some skin though. However I was fine the past few years and up until a few days ago i started feeling really weird and disgusted with myself like a relapse for some reason. I don't know if it was brought on by stress but I just cant stop feeling gross and disgusted with having been near all that stuff. I mean I understand the body regenerates new skin cells and hair cells, but I cannot shake this feeling of immense uncleanliness and disgust.

I'm not sure what I should do to feel better but thanks for taking the time to read this.