The politics at my university is ridiculous and I have no idea how to deal with it or at the very least shrug it off without shattering my already fragile self-esteem.

Basically, I get used, treated like a child by my peers (by the way, I'm a doctoral student and even though I'm on the younger side, I'm certainly not a child), and other's work is put ahead of mine despite mine being clearly superior. I don't mean this in an arrogant way…this is coming from someone with low self esteem and without much confidence in the work I do and in my own knowledge. And I see the equivalent of a kindergartner's drawing taking a precedence over my equivalent of an adult artist's painting and I get really confused. Then I realize that it's all politics.

But I don't know exactly why. Is it because I'm too much of a loner and so I'm not "best friends" with everyone? I'm start to suspect most of those friendships are fake anyway… I wouldn't know how to start or maintain friendships with people I feel uncomfortable around anyway. Is it because I don't have an assistantship so I'm somehow a "loser"? Is it because my dad is prominent in a different industry than my own so people don't know who he is and therefore I have no name recognition? Is it because I'm not best friends with the head of the department's kid?

(That's actually based on a true story. My boyfriend was promised a great assistantship here so he accepted, then all of a sudden it didn't exist anymore so he got nothing. Then this guy-the best friend of the department head's son-shows up and gets that assistantship. Perhaps it was under a different name, but it was the SAME ASSISTANTSHIP. Even worse was they tried to bring this guy in a year earlier and were prepared to kick someone else out of the program in order to make room for him. That guy's only crime was that he had the audacity to be in the same program as our Golden Boy here. And we wouldn't want the rabble standing in the way of our Golden Boy now would we?! Thankfully he deferred, but they would have pulled that trigger.)

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter why. All that matters is that it's happening on a level that is detrimental to me AND to my boyfriend. I don't know how to deal with this or how to rectify the situation. I feel like it's put both of our futures in serious jeopardy. There's not enough room to write down all the insidious things that are happening here, but they want us both (and other people I expect) to fail. Either one of us could be removed from the program to make room for someone more "important" next year. We're not allowed any teaching experience or really any experience that might actually get us hired someday. No matter what happens, I'm walking out of this program feeling worthless and that my degree is meaningless.