i finally called my mom a few weeks ago...and i told her about my dissociation and stuff....and it sounded like she really understood and was really supportive....and now im starting to actually ...think... about the conversation...i told her i would be "not in my body" and she would tell me something and i wouldnt actually get the message and then i would be coming back...and i would come back to her screaming at me and i would leave again because i couldnt handle the situation.....and her response to that was...oh so its all moms fault....which i said no its not all your fault im just trying to explain it in certain situations....and then she said i definitly think you need to see a therapist....when i was living with you i was the one walking on egg shells ..What??? You walking on egg shells....you didnt even want to hang out with me...i never saw you...how could you be the one walking on egg shells....you only wanted to hang me out with me if i drank or told you gossip about people then you would want to hang with me...but i didnt say all of that....i just said a quiet yea....i thought it was a good conversation...but really...i dont know....then all my mom did was say i wasnt trying hard enough to get a therapist but i told her i have no car and my bf who is my ride has school in the morning and then we both have work 30 minutes after he gets home....and then we get home at 11....when the heck do i go if he is always at work or school...but she says id figure it out ...and to try harder...oh well...

my whole life i just wanted to read and be by myself...in high school i was in art and worked two jobs...trying to work three...i got Bs granted...not As ...but my counciler said i had a solid B GPA and that it was really good...but my whole life my mother tried to portray me as a junkie ...lol who never did drugs.....and was terrible...i dont know...she wanted me to be popular.....wear makeup....go out ..and i just wanted to be by myself....she turns it around ...she makes it sound good...i fall in her trap...and then i realize it after awhile that she is critizing me and just creating it the way she wants...i dont know...sorry for my rant