Pickle,
Thanks for your reply, and for the hug.
I'm not sure the tone you meant with what you said, but I feel shaken and verging on tearful, I feel like I broke an unspoken rule to have said what I said.
It seems very difficult for others to understand me, which makes it hard to be honest.
But in another way, I appreciate the warmth of your challenge.
That is the whole point! therapy was making me far, far worse, thats why I am here, because I keep searching.
I tried so many Ts. If you have one you could recommend who understands pds I'd be on the phone this minute, and if it worked i'd be on a plane asap. (I live in UK, when I searched here, no one I found really gets it with pds.)
I feel I need to build up my strength with real human relationships in order to be able to go back and try again with therapy.
As I respond to you, - THIS is what I am trying to do about it, - to express my feelings and not recoil in despair.

So, thanks for replying, even if I do sound like I dont appreciate it, I really, really do, I am trying to come out of exile and make contact with other human beings, that is, without abandoning my truth, or hurting the other person. And this is my best attempt.