I thought I was beginning to recover from this depression spell but it was only fleeting.

When I'm not locked in depression, I am still aware of how alone I am. I often work very late and my coworkers are frustrated because they haven't finished their assignments but they have to get home to their spouses and families due to responsibility or to avoid arguments. I finish all of my work because I can stay as late as I want and there is no one to get angry or miss me or keep dinner warm or wait for me or anything at all, ever.

I have often whined that I do not have anyone in my life to love and take care of. I really want someone in my life to love and take care of.

Now that I am locked into this deep depression I realize I am also missing someone who will love and take care of me when I need it. Whether that be after a heart attack or just wanting someone to hold me and talk to me.

The combination of the depression making everything worse than it is and the very real realization that I will never have anyone in my life is crushing me.